Those of you who know me, know all too well that I don’t slow down. I don’t give myself a break. Stopping to clean up the puke is not the same as stopping to smell the flowers. My ‘me time’ is when I get my business ‘To Do’ list done. I’m wired to go, go, go … I’ve got things to do, places to go, if I stop my feet might get stuck in the sand.
I’ve always been a list making, rule following, goal oriented kinda person. But until I discovered a love for photography, I never really had a “big dream”. I dream of being a sought out, fully booked calendar, photographer who needs an assistant with a husband trained to 2nd shoot.
I use all my spare time (like I know what “spare” time is, c’mooon). Reed being preschool age fits in that nicely. We run around town to make playdates for him which are good networking opportunities for me, we run errands in between, and then back home so I can get some work done. Some where in there, I manage to play with Reed & get him fed and maybe do some laundry.
Insert Child: Version 2 (here). Since I didn’t start my business until after Reed’s 1st birthday, I never had to slow down my schedule to make time to figure out the mom thing. A new baby with a preschooler means I’ll need to slow down. What does that mean? I’m not sure, but I know physically I can’t do as many sessions this summer. The husband has forbade me (that’s right, forbade me) from picking up a summer wedding. I can use the slow down to re-create my website, restructure my pricing, and get lingering things on my checklist done. But I feel like if I’m not hustling, no business will come in.
Can I shoot a family session with a baby in the front carrier? Maybe I should start doing squats to build for that. Can I fit a session in while Reed is at school for 3 hours? Take a breath, its just a curve in the road. You can do it, just slooow down. I wonder if I get a sling, if I can nurse and shoot a newborn at the same time. hmmm.
I can’t help but feel some anxiety. A looming feeling that if I stop, my dream will sink into the water just out of my reach. Being a mom is my priority, above all over things, even my dreams. They grow up too fast for anything to get in my way of being mommy. Capturing those fleeting moments is WHY I 1st picked up a camera anyway. I have to find a way to enjoy “maternity time”, breathe normally during my slow down, not worry about all the things I could be doing while I’m adjusting to a bigger family. Breathe. It’s just a speed bump, a curve in the road. Breathe.
And in my heart, I have a suspicion … seeing the new baby’s face for the 1st time will wipe all my anxiety away. Thank you Lord for that.